Chapter 5 – Personalities
Everyone’s personalities are different and they change throughout a person’s life. I know as a young girl I was very giddy and carefree. As I went through the different life stages that we talked about in Chapter 3, I found that as I gained more responsibilities I became more serious. As I grew spiritually, I became more aware of the challenges that others face.
As women, we face special challenges that can also change our personalities for a short period of time. For example, menstrual cycles can cause PMS. Pregnancy and nursing can cause extreme hormone fluctuations in a very short period of time. Menopause shows a multitude of physical, emotional, and hormonal changes occurring all at once.
Significant life events can also temporarily change your personality. For example, if you are in a new relationship or marriage, you may act a bit differently than when you had been in a relationship for a long time. If there’s a death in the family of someone you’re close to, your mourning period can change your outlook and the way you interact with others.
How would you describe yourself? How would someone else describe you? How do you want to be described? These are all questions that make up your personality and who you are. Sometimes when things are going so great in life I wonder what someone who met me for the first time would see me as. They aren’t getting a full picture, just a snapshot in time, but sometimes those first impressions take a long time to change.
It is important to remember that you do have control over your own personality. Just because someone has called you an uncomplimentary name doesn’t mean that is you and your personality unless you decide to make that a defining factor of who you are. If someone calls you a mean person and you take that to heart and start acting meaner, then yes, you have become a mean person. But that person really doesn’t know you. They don’t know everything that you’ve gone through or what you’re thinking or feeling. If they see a single snapshot of you being mean, they may make an assumption that you’re always mean. If they call you mean, you can either choose to ignore it or you can use it to make a difference to make sure you are more kind in the future.
People Oriented vs. Task Oriented
Everyone falls on the spectrum of being more people oriented versus being more task oriented. Someone who is more people oriented is more extroverted, likes to spend a lot of time with others, and is constantly seeking out other people. People-oriented individuals focus on the social aspect of a situation and are more in touch with other people’s feelings. One of the things that people-oriented individuals have to watch out for is that they might be so focused on others that they don’t think about themselves at all. People-oriented individuals may also be so focused on trying to impress others that they do not think about what they really like in life.
Someone who is very task oriented is thinking more about a specific project, to-do list, or events that are going on in their life. People are still important, but task-oriented people are more focused on what’s going on in their life than who is in their life. Task-oriented people tend to be a bit more introverted. One thing that task-oriented people have to be aware of is that they don’t become too much of a perfectionist.
Now, most people are not at the extremes of the people-oriented versus task-oriented spectrum. Most people fall somewhere in the middle where they lean toward being people oriented, but they still can focus well on tasks or vice versa. It’s important to figure out which type of personality you are because that affects what your “me time” looks like and how you interact with others. “Me time” for a very people-oriented individual may be a night out with the girls, whereas “me time” for a very task-oriented person may be time by themselves to do something that’s been on their bucket list.
Director vs. Supporter
The other personality continuum is Director versus Supporter. Directors are your leaders, organizers, guides, mentors, and advisors. These are your CEOs that are viewed as dominant, confident, convincing, respected, and influential. One thing that directors have to worry about is seeking too much power and not thinking about how their followers feel.
The other end of the spectrum is your supporters. These individuals are more conformists and helpers. They are defenders, guardians, and allies. They are viewed as reliable, trustworthy, dependable, and solid. One thing that supporters have to be aware of is that they aren’t overruled by directors and that they express their thoughts and opinions as well.
Now think of people oriented versus task oriented and director versus supporter as two intersecting continuums. Everyone falls somewhere along each axis. While someone could potentially be equally as much people oriented as task oriented and a director as much as a supporter, those individuals are in the minority. Most people lean one way or the other.
When these two continuums intersect, they create four personalities between them. In Chapter 6, you will be taking a personality quiz to figure out where you fall on each continuum and which personality you have.
The first personality is Influencers. Influencers are directors who are people oriented. These individuals are great at leading teams, and they know a lot about each member of their groups and how to motivate them. These are the moms who initiate playdates, lead the local moms’ groups, and invite people on outings. These are the people who others seem to be drawn to.
Managers are directors that are very task oriented. These are your project managers that are great at leading a plan to completion. These are the moms that are good at organizing the details of an event and taking care of sign-up sheets.
Satisfiers are supporters that are people oriented. These are people pleasers who make sure everyone is happy. They are great at placating others, and they go out of their way to do something for someone else. These are the moms who always have their ears open at your get-togethers and are the unofficial counselors of the group.
Helpers are supporters who are task oriented. They are good at getting something done, are hard workers, and are very dependable. They’re very valuable to have on any team, and they are sometimes the work force of the group. These are the moms who get everything done on their to-do list and then seem ready to tackle everyone else’s to-do list as well.
None of the different personalities are any better than the others. Everyone is just different. In fact, each personality is important to any group to function in a happy and healthy manner.
Personal development questions:
How would you describe your unique personality?
Where do you feel you fall on the personality continuums?
Title: Finding Mom
Author: Amanda Mawhinney
Vitality. Passion. Tranquility. Do any of these words currently describe you?
Finding Mom will reawaken your dreams and help you to find and reinvent yourself.
Sometimes we love being a mom, but get frustrated when motherhood takes over our life. You are a mom and so much more. That’s why it’s important to start your journey to find your purpose beyond just being a mom. Learn the secrets to finding “me time” in even your busiest days. Uncover and recover your unique mom personality with a personality quiz. Create a sustainable and effective plan for your future that your family will support. No matter how busy you are, how many kids you have, or how young your children are, this book makes finding fulfillment possible for you.
What are you waiting for? Make a difference in your life and start finding yourself today!
Amanda Mawhinney is an author, trainer and family relationship coach. Her professional passions are helping women to develop themselves and helping families to connect and build stronger bonds. Her blog, My Koala Pouch is where she writes about creating healthier families and fun activities for kids and adults.
Amanda holds a degree in Psychology from Clarion University of Pennsylvania. She was an HR professional at a company with over 11,000 employees worldwide. She designed, created and implemented many developmental courses and an orientation program. She trained management, developed employees, facilitated mentorship programs and strengthened interdepartmental teams. Before having children of her own, Amanda worked with children with behavioral issues and their families. As an AmeriCorps volunteer she taught disabled and at- risk youth about giving back to the community and the environment.
Amanda currently homeschools her two delightful daughters and spends her days enjoying the great outdoors, reading, writing and doing fun activities with her family. Visit her website, My Koala Pouch at www.mykoalapouch.blogspot.com.
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